Remember, you are safe
I wanted to send you all a reminder today. Its been a little bit since I posted here as I have been sharing more frequently on Substack. But I plan to balance my time and energy in both after experimenting there for a bit.
I have been thinking a lot about safety and how it relates to the nervous system, the body and the life we are creating.
Most of us don’t think we feel unsafe. We don’t all spend our days thinking we are being followed by someone or are going to be attacked. We assume feeling unsafe is about the idea of immediate violent danger. But I have noticed in myself and others, that any time your nervous system starts to get tense, anxious, and worried we feel some lack of safety. Other emotions, like anger and frustration are usually when we feel safer but inconvenienced and like we don’t have access to what we want. But some anger can occur when we want to regain safety. Fight, flight, freeze and fawn as they say.
Feeling worried about money, is about safety. Feeling shut down by someone else’s emotions is safety. Health concerns are safety. Fear of loss of a loved one, especially outside of the real threat of it happening, is about safety. Fear about morality in the world and what others are doing is definitely about safety. Often judgement of others is a sign we feel a little unsafe.
Our nervous systems lived in a more tribal like settings for the majority of human experience. So a threat to life, disease, food, emotional belonging, and even the sense of being understood can all trigger a threat to our system. Despite the fact that most of our survival needs are met, we live in a world that pumps out the feeling of threat through all media sources and we are often disconnected from real humans. Most marketing is about using pain to motivate. Every internet scroll can reveal a new disease, a new food that is poison, another group of people that hates one another, and even possibly the end of times and global destruction if your’e on the right day.
But emotional safety and the fear of ongoing suffering, is also huge. Because our fear is not just about what is scary on the outside but how we will feel on the inside. Our fear can be of our own body, emotions and nervous system. This is when it becomes hard to escape the threat. We become afraid of our own fear response. So fearing things that have given you a panic attack or caused anxiety or flared a health condition even though they all worked out fine.
Our precious nervous systems, especially the sensitive ones that can be so connected spiritually, can also experience the profound disconnect of the world. And as we attune to it, it can make us feel so out of sync with truth we can feel spiritually unsafe.
Now here is the good news. None of this is actually real. I mean you are really experiencing it but we are in fact safe. Even in “dangerous” situations, our soul, our actual light, is safe. Connecting so much to the other side has allowed me to know this. This life is temporary, meaningful and beautiful, but just one expression of an infinite soul. And while we are here we may lose sight of that but if we can anchor in to it, it can bring some lightness even to death and especially the sense of survival that plagues us.
And as far as suffering goes, I can tell you that there is always a place within us that can ease suffering. Always. I had some reason to doubt this recently and it made my life worse. But after a while I realized there is no condition, no lifestyle in which we dont have access to opening to more ease. Now if our mind is convinced we dont we will experience that but if we can let that go it will find us. It doesnt always look like a full miracle or a complete life change in the instant, but it might look like not resisting, a lessening of fear, a reduction in pain.
I share this because the foundation of creating a life we love, is knowing we are safe. It is feeling ease in our bodies and minds. So I invite you to look at the moments in life, even if they are subtle, where you might feel like you are protecting yourself. Even the moments of “fawn” which is when we may try to appear very kind and pleasing to calm a situation. And try to take a moment to regain safety.
You must first slow the breathing, become aware that this is happening and make a good case to your mind that you are actually safe, by knowing that you don’t actually need the alarm system and that you are actually okay in the present moment. Know that you can always create good things, and that new paths are available to you at all times. And at the very least, know that even in a situation that terrifies you, you can quiet your mind and settle your body enough to let go of fear. This is available with practice. So nothing can hold you in pain forever.
Security comes from the knowing that you have what it takes to navigate this life. It comes from realizing that you have access to anything you need within you once you get the fear to calm down. It comes from knowing that peace is always an option. And all that you have to do is find a way to get the body to settle. Now of course if it’s going off in the threat of immediate danger, do respond. And if something keeps coming up, take the time to ask it what it really needs without the alarm. Maybe your body is trying to get you to make a change. Maybe there is a better way to be but you are so distracted it can only respond with an alarm.
No matter the source, come in to knowing that whatever it is, you are safe.
If you notice yourself in judgement or criticism of others, pause check your body, and reassure it, you are emotionally safe, you are okay, their behavior is not about you. Breathe deeply and settle.
If you find yourself worried about getting everything done, ask yourself what consequence is making me worry? Is it getting fired, is it disappointment, is it a need to be perfect to feel valuable? You are safe even if you dont get it done.
If a family member is struggling beyond your ability to help, and you start to feel lost and helpless again, remind your self your own wellbeing is tied only to your internal state and not theirs’.
This may sound so obvious to you, and maybe even like therapy 101 but I think that if you really look the feelings of danger can be quite sneaky in our life. And the gentle reclaiming of our internal safety allows us to open to greater states of being like love, joy, excitement and fun.
There is no greater empowerment than knowing your internal state is in your hands, that you have the tools to shut the outside world off, and to cultivate an inner sanctuary.
If you are struggling with this, and need extra support in identifying the source of fear or in cultivating spiritual practice to put you at ease, reach out and get a session. It can change so much to finally get help and guidance.
May we all feel peace.