When you can’t let go… let in

I have had this idea bouncing around for a few weeks. July officially marked the beginning of the second half of the year and now august reminds all of us beginnings. The impression left from childhood school days still has it’s backpack shaped mark on our memories. I have reflected on this year and where I was last year at this time.

Last summer, in the name of health, I went down the health rabbit holes that is detox protocols. Nothing crazy intense by any means, but some supplements for supporting my liver and things that help to speed up the process of healing. After some intense long covid like symptoms I thought I needed to help my body in this way. Somehow this made me surprisingly worse. Of course every internet rabbit hole tells you to keep going and that it will pass. After enough time I decided my body was sensitive and I stopped. I improved by stopping but some of the lingering symptoms remained.

Spring of this year I fully immersed in meditation 3 times a day and my body began to heal greatly. But a stressful event following that deep dive, flared some of the physical issues back up. Not all of them, thank goodness, but a few. I started to wonder what made it so easy for my body to get out of whack. I went down another rabbit hole of nutrition and getting bloodwork to see if I had any major imbalances in my body. My new focus being on what foundational things does my body need to actually let go of illness and inflammation.

Now this is not an email about how to physically heal, well at least not in it’s intention. All of this had me thinking about why we as people have a hard time releasing things that may not be good for us. Why even down to the biological level do we hold on to “dis-ease?”

Lets jump back many years ago to 20 something year old Avery struggling in a relationship that didn’t suit what my nervous system truly needed and was not a match for the life I desired to live long term. I was constantly wanting to leave or end it but would end up feeling like I needed to stay. One day, a friend showed up in my life who mirrored my relationship back at me (you know who you are). She was bright and lovely and we understood each other’s plights’ entirely. We were supportive and helped each other in ways only someone who truly “gets it” can. We both ended those relationships and are better for it. (So are the partners involved).

So what is actually allowing the healing and letting go in both of these scenarios? It was actually not letting go of what was unhealthy it was letting in the proper support to feel more whole and strong that allows for the ability to let go of something big in my life.

We can of course let go of excess. Excess is just clutter and doesn’t have a major role in our life. It’s not a supportive beam on the structure of our existence. But even to some, say someone who hoards in a clinical sense, those things that might seem like excess aren’t actually excess, they are the things that make them feel in control even if its controlling them. Often people who hold on to things like that have a major trauma and some how those things allow them to exist with that trauma. But of course eventually all of our unstable supportive structures start to crack and we don’t know how to replace them. And the truth is, if something is weight bearing in our life, we cant. Not until something else comes in and has greater integrity and allows us to hold steady enough to not crumble. Sometimes it is even hard to admit that something we know we “shouldn’t” have in our life is a weight bearing structure but if something is hard to let go of even if it makes you suffer, it is.

In my healing meditations, I was bringing in love and peace to bring my nervous system something it desperately needed. In my physical body, I am working to balance deficiencies and make sure my body feels supported with enough energy and spaciousness in my day to fully heal. In my past my friend brought what I so needed, someone who could understand me and know me more than that partner, someone to show up and walk with me so I wasn’t on my own in the transformation (of course there were others but only one who was walking in the same valley at the same time).

So if you feel there is something in your life you want to let go of, but you can never seem to do it, don’t criticize or force it. Ask yourself “what do I need to feel more whole, more free to move forward?” And if its a friend maybe someone you see is stuck in something, just show up with as much love and reflection of their goodness as you can.

So many things that we want to let go of are actually things that drain us. And after energy has been drained a while we need to replenish in order to truly have the strength to change.

What kind of support do you need right now? Can you tune in and see? Find a way to bring that in to your life and see what changes you naturally make.

To fully let go, first you must let something stronger in.